What Makes It So Hard for Some People to Make a Commitment in a Relationship?
It is because some people have fear about commitment. These are some of the common fears of committing:
- Fear of losing control over one’s self or one’s life.
- Fear of betrayal by another person.
- Fear of being vulnerable and dependent upon one’s partner or fear of a partner being dependent on you.
- Fear of losing one’s financial resources.
- Fear of divorce.
- Fear of being a victim of abuse.
Am I Ready for Commitment?
You should be able to answer yes to most of the statements below in order to be ready for a true commitment:
- I am ready and able to give up my identity as a single person.
- I have been emotionally stable for at least six months.
- I feel I am ready to put my relationship needs ahead of my personal needs when necessary.
- I am ready to decrease my ties to my immediate family and put this energy into my relationship.
- I am able to keep my work from interfering with my relationship.
- I feel ready to merge my life with someone else.
- I have been monogamous sexually and emotionally for at least the past six months and I am commited to staying monogamous.
Handling Conflict or Disagreements
When things get hard with my partner I feel I can commit to talking about the disagreement even if I am uncomfortable.
I can commit to talking about my feelings and continuing to talk about problems until the conflict is thoroughly worked through or a compromise is reached.
Partner Choice and Commitment
In choosing a partner you should be able to say yes to almost all of the statements below:
- She or he wants a commitment with me.
- She or he has been stable emotionally for at least six months.
- She or he is available and has the time to make our relationship healthy.
- She or he is willing to talk through a disagreement.
- She or he can put relationship needs ahead of personal needs when necessary.
- I feel cared for and comfortable with my partner.
- My partner has been sexually and emotionally monogamous for the past six months.
- My partner’s values match mine fairly well.
- My partner and I are most often in agreement in how to spend time and money.