Most of the time codependency is a way of life and is the only way someone knows how to be. It can seem so important to focus on someone else instead of yourself. There is a way out.
Here are some tips for working on overly pleasing others:
- Change the focus back to you.
- Identify little by little what your own thoughts, needs, reactions, and dreams.
- Use journaling, self-exploration and/ or counseling to help know yourself better.
- Through this awareness you can learn to see and experience yourself in relationships instead of just focusing on the other person.
- Learning to assert yourself is an important next step and becomes easier with time but may be clumsy at first. Try to praise yourself and enjoy your attempts to express yourself more fully.
As you become more aware of your own needs, and feelings and how to express them your life becomes richer. You live your life differently and you have more freedom and fun.
Why does one try so hard to be pleasing ?
- Most of the time codependency is the only way someone knows how to be.
- People who are codependent usually have had a life long experience of overly focusing on others as a way to feel good about themselves.
- Often codependency was learned as an important coping mechanism to get through difficult childhood experiences.
- Giving advice, knowing what’s best for someone else has been a way of life.